After, seemingly a season of hype, we can finally kick off our shoes, put our feet up and watch the much anticipated rubber match of the Jets-Patriots playoff match up. People have been going with the Star Wars metaphor for this game so I'll be unoriginal and follow in suit.
You have to give the Jets credit. They may not know when to shut up but at least they're not playing scared. They got buried by the Patriots only a few weeks ago but Gang Green has been resilient and have earned themselves another match up with the "evil empire." Darth Belichick has been surprisingly quiet and boring throughout this whole process, breathing useless answers out of his dark sweatshirt mask. I guess you could say Brady and Belichek are one in the same so for the purposes of this game he can be Anakin. I'll take Gisele over Natalie Portman but in the end, Anakin & Brady are both losers. Still, every time Tomakin wields his light saber he seems to destroy everything in his path.
On the other side... The Jets have clearly taken on the identity of the pesky rebel alliance. Rex Ryan fits the body type of Jaba the Hut but as the New York Post hilariously concluded, Rex is clearly Han Solo. He is brash, bold, outlandish and full of swagger and he is at the wheel of the Falcon. He drives the Jets bird. He has been shooting laser beams at the evil empire from the moment they wiped their ass with his team in week 13. At the end of A New Hope, Han Solo returned just in time to save Luke Skywalker and his super-cool fighter pilot friends and save the day. Perhaps Rex Ryan can muster up the will inside his players to walk into the Death Star in Foxboro and tear the stadium down. Like the rebels victory, it would be a stunning upset.
So if Rex Ryan is Han Solo in a fat suit, I guess that would leave Mark Sanchez to play the role of Luke Skywalker? Lets draw the parallels. Mark Sanchez is at best a decent quarterback, who has been blessed with poise and some timely throws at the end of close games. Mark Hamill (who portrayed Luke Skywalker in Star Wars) is a below average actor who has since disappeared into acting galaxies unknown to man. (I believe his last film appearance was "Cock Knocker" in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) I expect Sanchez to pull off some Jedi-like throws and keep the Jets within striking distance for a good part of the game. Sometime in the 3rd or 4th quarter we will all see that the force is not with him when he finds out that Cheech Marin is his father.
So how will this game break down? Well Tomakin will have his deflector shield up in the form of his big offensive line. The Jets pass rush is woeful and that will leave Tomakin ample time to pick and choose which of his interchangeable storm troopers to throw the ball to. Brady will also rely on his little R2 D2 running back to shuffle around the Jets defense. I wouldn't be surprised if Woodhead gets well over 100 yards combined on the ground and through the air.
Even if Darrelle Revis turns his island into Tattooine and locks up, say Wes Welker, like Princess Leia was locked up to Jabba, the Jets still have to account for Darth Sith (Hernandez) and Count Dooku (Gronkowski) lumbering over the middle. (What do you think Rexy would do to Princess Leia's feet?) Also, don't think that Tomakin will forget those who have crossed him. Namely, Antonio Cromartie. I think his coast his going to be under siege this weekend. All this talking has probably awakened an already dominant monster in Tomakin. He will most likely punish Cromartie by throwing a reception for every illegitimate kid Cromartie has, to whomever he is guarding.
I'm getting tired of trying to remember Star Wars characters. (I guess Nick Mangold or his sister could pass for Chewbacca) so lets just wrap this up. I see the Jets running the ball efficiently and creating some big plays in the first half. I see the Patriots creating even more offensive opportunities and staying 2 steps ahead of the Jets for most of the game. I see Jason Taylor (Jar Jar Binks) making maybe 1 tackle. In the end, I see the rebel alliance failing at its mission and we will see Rex Ryan after the game turn from Han Solo into Jabba the Hut, with the sense of humor of C3-PO. Han Solo will be frozen into carbonite until further notice. In a few weeks we will see the Evil Emperor Bob Kraft come out from his suite and raise up the Lombardi Trophy. Then we will all puke.
Final Score- Patriots 35- Jets 21
Oh yeah, Obi Wan Kanobi.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Garrettop Era
So now that all the speculation about whether or not Jason Garrett had done enough to remove the "interim" tag off of his coaching title and officially become the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys is done with, we can start looking ahead to the real Garrett era. The biggest question on everyone's mind as it became clear that Garrett was the guy was "how much power would he have." We all know crazy Jerry and his narcissistic, megalomaniacal ways have clashed with both coaches and common sense ever since he bought the Cowboys. The last coach to have complete control was Jimmy Johnson...that turned out fine until Jerry's ego couldn't stand not getting the credit and he ran Jimmy out of town. Barry Switzer simply took over the best team in football...anyone could have coached that team to a Super Bowl. Ever since then, Jerry has been under the delusion that he can do this all by himself.
Hopefully this past season has doused some reality onto crazy Jerry and made him realize that he needs to loosen his grip on the wheel. He stated in the Garrett press conference that Jason would have complete control over who is on the coaching staff as well as players that are on the roster. This is exactly what Cowboys fans want to hear but does anyone believe Jerry for 1 second? I sure as hell don't. His ego was overheating at the thought. Not even halfway through the conference he was jumping over the table to grab the microphone from Jason Garrett to answer questions. Questions asked to Jason, not Jerry. We will have to wait and see if Jerry was telling the truth or blowing that smoke that he's gotten so good at puffing into his ears and out of his mouth.
I think there is some hope in the matter though. WR coach Ray Sherman will not be returning, which is a good sign. Not that he and Garrett have clashed but Sherman has always been the guy that our disgruntled receivers have sought consolation with when they weren't getting the ball on offense. (i.e. T.O., R. Williams, Dez Bryant). So now he's gone and that means that Garrett will get his own guy in that position. This offers a shred of hope that Jerry wasn't lying when he said Jason was in control. Only time (or perhaps the draft) will tell how long before Jerry needs to get his paws back on the power ball.
I think that every single personnel decision, both coaches and players, will give us clues as to how Garrett will be running the team and what kind of constraints he is under. In order for him to be a great coach, which he clearly has shown the potential to be, he will have to fend off Jerry's power grabs so that he can truly put his stamp on this team. Only time will tell.
Hopefully this past season has doused some reality onto crazy Jerry and made him realize that he needs to loosen his grip on the wheel. He stated in the Garrett press conference that Jason would have complete control over who is on the coaching staff as well as players that are on the roster. This is exactly what Cowboys fans want to hear but does anyone believe Jerry for 1 second? I sure as hell don't. His ego was overheating at the thought. Not even halfway through the conference he was jumping over the table to grab the microphone from Jason Garrett to answer questions. Questions asked to Jason, not Jerry. We will have to wait and see if Jerry was telling the truth or blowing that smoke that he's gotten so good at puffing into his ears and out of his mouth.
I think there is some hope in the matter though. WR coach Ray Sherman will not be returning, which is a good sign. Not that he and Garrett have clashed but Sherman has always been the guy that our disgruntled receivers have sought consolation with when they weren't getting the ball on offense. (i.e. T.O., R. Williams, Dez Bryant). So now he's gone and that means that Garrett will get his own guy in that position. This offers a shred of hope that Jerry wasn't lying when he said Jason was in control. Only time (or perhaps the draft) will tell how long before Jerry needs to get his paws back on the power ball.
I think that every single personnel decision, both coaches and players, will give us clues as to how Garrett will be running the team and what kind of constraints he is under. In order for him to be a great coach, which he clearly has shown the potential to be, he will have to fend off Jerry's power grabs so that he can truly put his stamp on this team. Only time will tell.
Friday, January 7, 2011
2010 Season Wrap-Up: Offense
THE OFFENSE
Despite the loss of Tony Romo, the Cowboys offense was still pretty good. There were a lot of times where the play calling would make you scratch your head and one yard gains from Marion Barber became more frequent than Seinfeld reruns. Still, whether it be Romo or the resurgent Jon Kitna, the Cowboys were able to move the ball better than average for most of the year. A lot of this has to do with the skill of both Romo and Kitna and the receiving weapons the Cowboys have. Still, no one can be thrilled with this offensive machine that constantly had either broken parts, or squeaky cogs, throughout the entire season.
The problems start with the offensive line. Down right abysmal. This group was more than an achilles heel for this offense throughout the entire year. They were slow and weak the entire year. Aside from LT Doug Free, the unit seemed old, tired and lackadaisical. Colombo was repeatedly speed rushed into submission from the right side, Leonard Davis could barley get out of his stance before he was beat and Andre Gurode is so retarded he just snaps the ball whenever he's tired of squatting down. The smartest player on the line, Kyle Kosier, is constantly hampered with injuries. (His replacement Phil Costa is about as assertive as a mall security guard).The Cowboys have a collection of relics (plus the less talented Gronkowski) protecting their quarterbacks which is why Tony Romo finished the season on IR and why there was not so much of a pore for the running backs to run through.
The running game for the Cowboys was also rancid. Marion Barber is done. Finito! Get em out! His body once hit defenders like a massive bowling ball. Now he's rolling down the lane and knocking over no pins. In every single short yardage situation, supposedly his specialty, he hit the defenders like a pilates ball. Felix Jones did get more touches this season but he proved that, although gifted with great agility and speed, he truly needs to have the field opened up for him to cause any sort of measurable damage. Tashard Choice was banished to the bench for almost the entire season after his miscarriage in week one right before the half. I think he deserved a shot at more carries and he did get a few more at the end of the season. He proved that he was a talented back worthy of carries but he too, is nothing special.
The receiving corps and quarterbacks were the best part of this team in 2010... Tony Romo did not start the season as sharp but I still believe he is a good quarterback. His mobility often concealed the masquerade of an offensive line that the Cowboys shuffled onto the field every sunday. His balls were more inaccurate than usual to start the season but I think that he will take some cues from Jon Kitna's assertive leadership and come back extremely strong next season.
The receivers were inconsistent but showed us that they can be deadly next season. Dez Bryant looked like T.O. in his prime for much of the season until his ankle injury. Although he often doesn't know the routes to run, he was almost uncoverable. Roy Williams had his bad moments at terrible times (game-changing fumbles) but he also caught a lot of important passes this year and showed that he can contribute. He will be a good third receiever should the Cowboys choose to retain him. Miles Austin looked fantastic early on but seemed to disappear as the season stretched on. He did catch a good amount of touchdowns but his stats toward the end of the season were unimpressive. He dropped a lot of balls and it seemed that the big contract he recieved over the off-season has tainted his focus. I still think he has a few things to prove. Jason Witten started off slow and I thought that his skills were in decline. He was not the big play threat as much this season but a lot of that has to do with the QB. He still led the league in TE receptions and eclipsed the 1,000 yd mark again. He is well on his way to Canton.
Now that Garrett is officially the coach we can finally turn the page on this disgrace of a season and look ahead. More analysis of what the Cowboys need to do ahead.
Despite the loss of Tony Romo, the Cowboys offense was still pretty good. There were a lot of times where the play calling would make you scratch your head and one yard gains from Marion Barber became more frequent than Seinfeld reruns. Still, whether it be Romo or the resurgent Jon Kitna, the Cowboys were able to move the ball better than average for most of the year. A lot of this has to do with the skill of both Romo and Kitna and the receiving weapons the Cowboys have. Still, no one can be thrilled with this offensive machine that constantly had either broken parts, or squeaky cogs, throughout the entire season.
The problems start with the offensive line. Down right abysmal. This group was more than an achilles heel for this offense throughout the entire year. They were slow and weak the entire year. Aside from LT Doug Free, the unit seemed old, tired and lackadaisical. Colombo was repeatedly speed rushed into submission from the right side, Leonard Davis could barley get out of his stance before he was beat and Andre Gurode is so retarded he just snaps the ball whenever he's tired of squatting down. The smartest player on the line, Kyle Kosier, is constantly hampered with injuries. (His replacement Phil Costa is about as assertive as a mall security guard).The Cowboys have a collection of relics (plus the less talented Gronkowski) protecting their quarterbacks which is why Tony Romo finished the season on IR and why there was not so much of a pore for the running backs to run through.
The running game for the Cowboys was also rancid. Marion Barber is done. Finito! Get em out! His body once hit defenders like a massive bowling ball. Now he's rolling down the lane and knocking over no pins. In every single short yardage situation, supposedly his specialty, he hit the defenders like a pilates ball. Felix Jones did get more touches this season but he proved that, although gifted with great agility and speed, he truly needs to have the field opened up for him to cause any sort of measurable damage. Tashard Choice was banished to the bench for almost the entire season after his miscarriage in week one right before the half. I think he deserved a shot at more carries and he did get a few more at the end of the season. He proved that he was a talented back worthy of carries but he too, is nothing special.
The receiving corps and quarterbacks were the best part of this team in 2010... Tony Romo did not start the season as sharp but I still believe he is a good quarterback. His mobility often concealed the masquerade of an offensive line that the Cowboys shuffled onto the field every sunday. His balls were more inaccurate than usual to start the season but I think that he will take some cues from Jon Kitna's assertive leadership and come back extremely strong next season.
The receivers were inconsistent but showed us that they can be deadly next season. Dez Bryant looked like T.O. in his prime for much of the season until his ankle injury. Although he often doesn't know the routes to run, he was almost uncoverable. Roy Williams had his bad moments at terrible times (game-changing fumbles) but he also caught a lot of important passes this year and showed that he can contribute. He will be a good third receiever should the Cowboys choose to retain him. Miles Austin looked fantastic early on but seemed to disappear as the season stretched on. He did catch a good amount of touchdowns but his stats toward the end of the season were unimpressive. He dropped a lot of balls and it seemed that the big contract he recieved over the off-season has tainted his focus. I still think he has a few things to prove. Jason Witten started off slow and I thought that his skills were in decline. He was not the big play threat as much this season but a lot of that has to do with the QB. He still led the league in TE receptions and eclipsed the 1,000 yd mark again. He is well on his way to Canton.
Now that Garrett is officially the coach we can finally turn the page on this disgrace of a season and look ahead. More analysis of what the Cowboys need to do ahead.
2010 Season Wrap-up: Defense
THE DEFENSE
After Wade, the lugubrious play of the defense was a main culprit in this season's failure. Check this: No Cowboys defense has ever...NEVER EVER...given up as many points as this wretched group did this season. Whatever idiot suggested that Alan Ball could be a starting safety in the NFL should be run over multiple times with a dump truck. My gripes with the defense have to start with Ball. He, along with Gerald Sensebaugh, ran a secondary that allowed Quarterbacks to drop back, lick their lips, and FEAST on the Cowboys defense all season. The corner backs did not play well (See Jenkins v. Green Bay, or Philadelphia...Newman looked like an old man... Scandrick's overachieving finally caught up with him) but seemingly on every touch down the Cowboys gave up through the air, our last image was of Alan Ball running off screen a few seconds too late. A lot of the times that the CB's looked like they were beat, it was obvious that they were expecting help from the saftey's over the top...help that rarely came. Then I had to be repeatedly insulted by Alan Ball's tennis ball tackles where he would bounce right off of anything that moved. (Also...Dave Campo, the secondary coach, sucked as a head coach and clearly still sucks as an assistant coach. He might be less than 5 feet tall and you expect players to listen to him? Get him out).
The play of the linebackers also suffered this year. Bradie James and Keith Brooking both looked straight up OLD. For some reason the Cowboys are afraid to play high draft picks so Sean Lee wasn't even given much of a chance to spell the two aging linebackers until late in the season. What did we find out? Lee (if he stays healthy) can be one helluva line backer. Brooking, while his pregame speeches are still fiery, is just too old to be a starting lineback in the NFL. On the outside Anthony Spencer made a great effort to make everyone forget about his great efforts on the field last year. He played most of the season as if he actually didn't know where the Quarterback lined up on the field, because I rarely saw Spencer in that general area. On the other side, Demarcus Ware did lead the league in sacks with 15.5 sacks but it seems that during some of the key games this season, when the boys backs were against the wall, Demarcus was also shut out a lot of the time.
The big guys down in the trenches on the defensive front also significantly lacked in production this year. Jay Ratliff, arguably one of the best nose tackles in the game had a subpar year, his sack and tackle totals diminishing by 1/3 compared with his average of the past two years. In a 3-4 defense the ends and tackles are not normally supposed to accumulate mind-blowing stats but the bottom line is Igor Olishanksy, Stephen Bowen and Jason Hatcher were not eating up enough space for the linebackers to make plays in the running game and they, along with the rest of the (very vanilla) defense, failed to pressure any quarterback with any form of consistency. The entire, and by that I mean every single player with the exception of D-Ware, defense could use an upgrade. (Obviously this is impossible in 1 offseason, so lets start at saftey and work our way forward).
After Wade, the lugubrious play of the defense was a main culprit in this season's failure. Check this: No Cowboys defense has ever...NEVER EVER...given up as many points as this wretched group did this season. Whatever idiot suggested that Alan Ball could be a starting safety in the NFL should be run over multiple times with a dump truck. My gripes with the defense have to start with Ball. He, along with Gerald Sensebaugh, ran a secondary that allowed Quarterbacks to drop back, lick their lips, and FEAST on the Cowboys defense all season. The corner backs did not play well (See Jenkins v. Green Bay, or Philadelphia...Newman looked like an old man... Scandrick's overachieving finally caught up with him) but seemingly on every touch down the Cowboys gave up through the air, our last image was of Alan Ball running off screen a few seconds too late. A lot of the times that the CB's looked like they were beat, it was obvious that they were expecting help from the saftey's over the top...help that rarely came. Then I had to be repeatedly insulted by Alan Ball's tennis ball tackles where he would bounce right off of anything that moved. (Also...Dave Campo, the secondary coach, sucked as a head coach and clearly still sucks as an assistant coach. He might be less than 5 feet tall and you expect players to listen to him? Get him out).
The play of the linebackers also suffered this year. Bradie James and Keith Brooking both looked straight up OLD. For some reason the Cowboys are afraid to play high draft picks so Sean Lee wasn't even given much of a chance to spell the two aging linebackers until late in the season. What did we find out? Lee (if he stays healthy) can be one helluva line backer. Brooking, while his pregame speeches are still fiery, is just too old to be a starting lineback in the NFL. On the outside Anthony Spencer made a great effort to make everyone forget about his great efforts on the field last year. He played most of the season as if he actually didn't know where the Quarterback lined up on the field, because I rarely saw Spencer in that general area. On the other side, Demarcus Ware did lead the league in sacks with 15.5 sacks but it seems that during some of the key games this season, when the boys backs were against the wall, Demarcus was also shut out a lot of the time.
The big guys down in the trenches on the defensive front also significantly lacked in production this year. Jay Ratliff, arguably one of the best nose tackles in the game had a subpar year, his sack and tackle totals diminishing by 1/3 compared with his average of the past two years. In a 3-4 defense the ends and tackles are not normally supposed to accumulate mind-blowing stats but the bottom line is Igor Olishanksy, Stephen Bowen and Jason Hatcher were not eating up enough space for the linebackers to make plays in the running game and they, along with the rest of the (very vanilla) defense, failed to pressure any quarterback with any form of consistency. The entire, and by that I mean every single player with the exception of D-Ware, defense could use an upgrade. (Obviously this is impossible in 1 offseason, so lets start at saftey and work our way forward).
Cowboys 2010 Season Wrap-up Part 1
I call this the 2010 season wrap-up but the season was really wrapped up 3 years ago when the Cowboys hired Wade Phillips. One could argue that the season was over as soon as the feebily inept Alex Barron held Brian Orakpo in the season opener against the Redskins. Perhaps it was the week after their bye when Marc Colombo receieved a crucial "excessive" celebration penalty for essentially falling down, setting up Chris Johnson and the Titans with great field position to punch in the winning ticket against the befuddled Cowboys. Maybe it was that fateful first Giants game when Tony Romo squirmed on the turf, his 2010 season expired. The straw that broke the camel's back was the debacle against the Green Bay Packers. The Cowboys were embarrassed up and down the field. Mike Jenkins played with his balls in his stomach, and the rest of defense acted like children who know nothing of personal pride. At this point, the last flame had been doused, the 2010 Cowboys season, one that began with such grand expectations, was painfully extinguished.
Under Interim coach Jason Garrett the Cowboys rebounded, somewhat, and finished with a 6-10 record. Still, this season will go down as the most dissappointing and most repulsive in the franchise's history. Never in NFL history, has a team been touted so highly and stumbled so far before the burden of those expectations. There are many reasons for this collapse and I am surprised that more people didn't see it coming. It all must start with the coaching style of Wade Phillips. At best, he's been a moderately decent NFL coach throughout his career. No one should be impressed with his 1 playoff win with a team as talented as the Cowboys have been under him. He ran camp cupcake in the preseason every year and the very moment that Dez Bryant was injured in this year's pre-season, baseball caps replaced helmets. The ending result? One of the softest, under-achieving, pudding-cake teams in the entire league and one of the most despicable regular season's in franchise history.
Under Interim coach Jason Garrett the Cowboys rebounded, somewhat, and finished with a 6-10 record. Still, this season will go down as the most dissappointing and most repulsive in the franchise's history. Never in NFL history, has a team been touted so highly and stumbled so far before the burden of those expectations. There are many reasons for this collapse and I am surprised that more people didn't see it coming. It all must start with the coaching style of Wade Phillips. At best, he's been a moderately decent NFL coach throughout his career. No one should be impressed with his 1 playoff win with a team as talented as the Cowboys have been under him. He ran camp cupcake in the preseason every year and the very moment that Dez Bryant was injured in this year's pre-season, baseball caps replaced helmets. The ending result? One of the softest, under-achieving, pudding-cake teams in the entire league and one of the most despicable regular season's in franchise history.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Cliff Lee
I just wanted to be the first one to predict this...Cliff Lee in The Decision 2.0 will go on the big screen in Cowboy Stadium during the SNF game on NBC against the Eagles and announce that he is staying with the Texas Rangers. You heard it here first.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Pipe down Rex Ryan
I know I'm speaking for a lot of us out there when I say: How great was it to watch the Jets fly into Gillette Stadium and absolutely CRASH & BURN. If you're a Jets fan, that was an absolute catastrophe. Now granted, my team has gotten their tails absolutely whipped for a good half of the year and we've been thoroughly embarrassed but I don't think I've ever seen a team get absolutely BAMBOOZLED like I saw last night. It was awesome.
Rex Ryan has been running his fat mouth all year and talking like he was about run through the AFC with a wrench and set of brass knuckles. Mean while, Bellichek and Brady (don't get me wrong, I still hate them) kept their mouths shut and just waited to pounce on an easy prey. I can just picture Bellicheks reaction to every sound bite from that bag of chips with a vest. "Just keep running your mouth you fat bush, and we'll stick your foot in it for you when you get up here." And that is exactly what the Pats did. They made Mark Sanchez look actually retarded and Tom Brady went through the "great" Jets defense like Rex Ryan goes through a box of Dunkin Donuts Munchkins. At least there were about 40 Dunkin Donuts for Rex to stop at to stuff his face for the long ride home.
With all that said...The Jets are still a good team and they are going to make the playoffs and cause problems for whoever they play. But take a piece of the humble pie and shut up and come back when you beat a good team.
-Just a note: I know the Cowboys suck this year so don't feel compelled to remind me so.
Rex Ryan has been running his fat mouth all year and talking like he was about run through the AFC with a wrench and set of brass knuckles. Mean while, Bellichek and Brady (don't get me wrong, I still hate them) kept their mouths shut and just waited to pounce on an easy prey. I can just picture Bellicheks reaction to every sound bite from that bag of chips with a vest. "Just keep running your mouth you fat bush, and we'll stick your foot in it for you when you get up here." And that is exactly what the Pats did. They made Mark Sanchez look actually retarded and Tom Brady went through the "great" Jets defense like Rex Ryan goes through a box of Dunkin Donuts Munchkins. At least there were about 40 Dunkin Donuts for Rex to stop at to stuff his face for the long ride home.
With all that said...The Jets are still a good team and they are going to make the playoffs and cause problems for whoever they play. But take a piece of the humble pie and shut up and come back when you beat a good team.
-Just a note: I know the Cowboys suck this year so don't feel compelled to remind me so.
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